Death to Dadbod: The Iron Games 1

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

I’m at the Iron Games and it’s amazing. I’m having a great time, hanging with some awesome people, and getting to make so many new best friends. It’s a great reminder of the heart of CrossFit: Good people and fun fitness. 

Here are five quick notes from my experience on the opening day of the Iron Games.

1.I got starstruck three times on Thursday. First, Nick Fowler. He’s one of the best coaches in CrossFit, one could say he’s the Elon Musk of CrossFit. Then the Buttery Bros showed up with Tommy Marquez. They’re three of the coolest cats you’ll ever meet. At one point, I was staring at Heber Cannon from across the room like an overzealous dude-bro at the other end of the bar. He looked back at me, and then I did this…

2. Finally, Buddy Lee. Buddy. Lee. You know, the Michael Jordan of Jump Ropes. I was too shy to even talk to him. 

3. The Iron Games should be a CrossFit Sanctioned event within the next 3 years. Between the resources and community involvement, it’s an awesome environment. 

4. Physically, I have more in common with Marston Sawyer’s Labradoodle than most of the athletes. CrossFitters are freaking awesome, man. So many athletes pushing themselves to a greater-than-ever place.

5. Speaking of which… I was having a great time until Matt Bruce, Brute CEO and my favorite martian, ask me to do some workout demos with him for the spectators enjoyment. This is happening today (Friday 9/6), and I’ll be posting about it on Monday (9/never).

 

Yeah, I’m doing an Assault Bike/Snatch Couplet in the afternoon and a Clean and Jerk ladder in the evening. I haven’t used a barbell in 8 months… what could go wrong?

 

Speaking of which, let’s check out Friday’s OTB workout. I did this one with Joanie on Labor Day… after running a 5k* in front of my house.

 

The Workout

6 rounds of:

7 Single Arm Dumbbell Overhead Squats | 25 lbs

7 Single Dumbbell Back Squats | 25 lbs

7 Dumbbell Front Squats | 25 lbs

 

Note

The Front Squats require 2 DBs, while the others only need one. For the overhead squats, it’s 1 set with the left hand, next set with the right. L, R, L, R, L, R.

 

Another Note

About that asterisk beside the 5k. I thought I ran a 5k, but now I’m not so sure. Ya see, the run took me 51 minutes. Which is equivalent to almost a 20 minute mile. While I hate running, I don’t think my measurement of the distance accurate. But now, I’m too afraid to recheck the measurement, because… what if it IS 5k? 

 

3… 2… 1… Go!

Round 1

Overhead Squats are a really nasty invention. There’s typically exhaustion and disruption from your risen forearm, down through the side of your rib cage and hip, to your entire undercarriage. My first round was with my left hand, and it hurt like pain.

Back Squats with a 25 lb. dumbbell aren’t too bad. It’s the “rest” of this little 6 set sprint. I place the weight behind my neck, careful to make sure I don’t give myself a concussion, and blast out 7 fast reps.

Then there’s Front Squats. I’m really glad Taz programmed this portion workout to feature 2 dumbbells instead of one. Just kidding. I think Taz is now my third favorite Barber. First, my actual barber, his name is John.  Followed by Patrick Von Hammersmark Barber. Then Taz. It’s a distant third, though. These 7 reps fly, but I know they’re going to come back.

Round 2

Overhead Squats with my right arm are easier. No jokes here. 

Back Squats with one dumbbell are the only way I want to do back squats ever again. It’s like when I switched to two-legged Pistols instead of the old school pistols.

Front Squats felt a little tighter on my moneymaker.

Round 3

I’ve decided my left arm doesn’t belong with my right arm. They don’t deserve one another. One is a cry baby, the other is a beast. This round featured the emotionally disturbed arm shaking with every rep. I got to 5 and my elbow started shaking like a Chiuaha.

Round 4

It’s a quick sprint. That’s what I’m realizing. The goal was 10-12 minutes, and that makes sense if you have heavier dumbbells. I think I’m at like 7 minutes right now. Since we’ve only made it through 2 songs. 

If you’re still reading this, you should totally buy me dumbbells for Christmas. 

By rep 7 on the front squats, I can tell that the Overheads are going to be the most difficult but the front squats are going to hurt me for the next week.

Round 5

Fun fact: the Iron Games is also at the same time as the Shakespeare Festival here in Cedar City. I think I have more in common with an actor than I do these athletes. Especially when I’m trying to do overhead squats.

Not Fun Fact: Front Squats are the devil. 

Round 6

I paused before this transition. I took a breath, and I made a decision. His workout has been hard, but I’m one round away from being finished. Is it going to be pretty? No. I’m built like a cardboard box and have more hair than a werewolf in no-shave november. Nothing I do will be pretty. Petty? Yes. Pretty? Naw. Not unless Joanie is standing beside me.

Still, I’m going to finish this workout with a bang. I won’t look at the time, but I’ve got to guess I’ll be faster than anyone else in the world. 

Overheads are with my right arm. I’m able to string together all 7 reps with efficiency and joy. It’s fun to workout.

Back Squats make me smile. 

Front Squats suck, but there’s only 7.

I get them done, and my underbutt is ravaged. 

Good bye, underbutt.

Time!

7:45

 

It was a great workout.

I’m glad I got to tell you about it before my public shaming tomorrow. 

Please send your thoughts and prayers my way.

 

Interested in learning more about OTB? Check out 10 Free Bodyweight Workouts.

Or hey, why not just sign up? Me and the Outsiders are waiting for ya.

Tune in next week for another Death to Dadbod.

And hey, follow me on Instagram! @Instadanial_

 

Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.