Death to Dadbod: Meet Barney

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Barney ain’t like other kettlebells.

We should start there.

He’s 44 lbs of purple power and unrelenting gravity. We’ve been workout partners for a few months now, thanks to Kettlebell Kings, and he’s quickly proven his superiority. Every workout we’ve done together features me heaped over in a puddle of sweat and humility. Barney, on the other hand, stares back and asks for more.

Why do you care?

Barney isn’t just a kettlebell. He’s a symbol. Do you remember the movie Inception? The characters in that movie all had a little totem that signified reality. Barney is my totem. He’s the top spinning, reminding me of the world I reside.

Do you have a totem? If you’re struggling to find footing on fitness, maybe you just need a rallying cry. If you’re in a rut, then go pick out a shovel. Get a new kettlebell. Or a jump rope. Maybe just find a happy space to self-destruct. Anything can be something to the right person.

Suddenly, the decade is ending.

An epiphany struck me midway through tonight’s workout: there are 47 days left in 2019. That’s less than 7 weeks! The decade is about to be over. We’re fast approaching the year of Barbara Walters.

It’s been a great year for me, no complaints on my end. I have a human baby. 3 healthy non-baby children. A happy/healthy/well-loved wife. And my cats love me. Fitness has returned as a major aspect of my life. I’ve planted, bloomed, and tested. I made it through the CrossFit Open. Outside the Box has changed my life.

Let me repeat that.

Outside the Box has changed my life.

No OTB = No Barney.

And that’s not a world I want to live in.

Fight to Finish (#FTF)

So here we are. Running out of 2019. I had a laundry list of New Year’s Resolutions. Didn’t even achieve a few of them. Doesn’t mean the year was a failure, but I missed out on goals. I want to finish the year out strong. Maybe not achieving my beginning-of-year goals, but closing the year with a bang. Goals that are realistic and push me out of my comfort zone while being trackable.

2 Goals

  1. Log 30 workouts in the next 47 days.
  2. Post 20 workout pictures/videos on my social media to spread joy to people like me.

Barney’s going to help me get there. You know how his song goes.

Stay Gold.


PS: Wanna #FTF? Email me at [email protected] and I’ll help ya stay accountable!

PSS: And if you want your own Barney… Kettlebell Kings offers the best kettlebells and Outsiders get a 10% discount using “StayGold” at checkout. 

Danial Hooper Editor
Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.