This is an unprecedented time in our history. Social Unrest is more unrested than… maybe ever? At least on a global scale, right? I’m not a historian, but the amount of tension is different. This amount of pain is different. It’s ugly. And it’s needed. Change is coming. It’s the only way we can grow.
But change is hard.
People are struggling. Both sides of the fence are growing more frustrated. For those sitting on the fence, that thing is starting to wobble. In some arguments, there can be no neutral. Sorry. You have to stand up.
But change is hard.
How about this…
You don’t have to like it. There’s no prerequisite of joy in order for you to experience growth. Whatever your gender, race, creed, background, or anything – you MUST evolve.
In that regard, this time period is no different than any other period. That means you can either blend into the butterfly, or stay in the cocoon. Change may be hard, but it is required.
So, while this time period is different than any other time period, it’s a great opportunity for self reflection. If you’re the type of person who isn’t willing to question yourself, then your change is bound to come in scars.
As for me…
As a man, I have two choices: Be humbled or be humiliated. There are no other options.
Sidebar: if you feel like this post is controversial or off putting – hit me up on social media or email me. I’m always willing to hear other people’s perception. Obviously, this is not a social stance write-up. But by all means, tell me whatever’s on your mind. Just understand, come correct.
I have no choice but to change. Growth comes whether I like it or not. The waves of life do not care about my life preserver. Nor do they care about my ability to swim.
Waves come. Period.
I have been wrong about my stance on a number of things. My initial reaction has been poor.
Here’s an easy example: As a young adult, I swore that I would never date a woman who had kids, didn’t have a college education, or was never married.
Seriously. As a 24 year old, I had it all figured out. I didn’t know what type of woman I wanted, but I DEFINITELY knew what type of woman I didn’t want.
And then I met Joanie.
Listen. My arrogance and haughtiness don’t need to be illustrated anymore than this… even if there’s more to say about the type of man I was in my early twenties. But Joanie came into my life and completely changed my perspective. She had kids, she was married, and she never spent a minute on a college campus.
I fell in love with her. Like a crazy person kind of love. Edward Cullen love. Romeo love. Love love.
Her presence changed me.
And, without going into too much detail, it humiliated me. I’ve been humbled by her. My arrogance could have prevented me from falling in love, but homegirl came into my heart like a wrecking ball.
As for us…
We can deny the state of flux. Sure. As humans, we have the ability to deny and ignore the reality of our lives. We can see the reality, but fighting fate is completely normal. They killed the guy who first talked about gravity, we’re not all that different. We can feel change in the air, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to like it.
Our happiness is not required for our growth. We do not have to like it. Growing pains are real, even as adults.
If you want to change your health, you’re going to have to sacrifice your bad habits. To change your habits, you must dig into your behavior. And dude, that freakin hurts. We have a tide we’re comfortable with, but the moon doesn’t answer to us.
We aren’t authorities on earth. We’re stewards.
Change hurts. You can roll against the tide, but you’re more than likely going to end up under the waves. Humiliation overwhelms, but it’s necessary. Humility is an easier path, but it’s a conscious choice.
Ahem, humility is not thinking less of yourself – it’s thinking of yourself less.
If it’s going to hurt – and it is – then why not accept it? Embrace the pain. Lean into the change. Find a new aspect of your character while you’re realizing your identity. Change is going to cause damage, but just like the freakin’ Grand Canyon – the most affected ends up the most beautiful.
- Remove yourself from yourself. Take a step back and realize your weaknesses and blind spots.
- Give yourself grace. It’s okay to change. Everyone needs adaptation. Time changes us. Accept your need for change and move on.
- Practice humility. Receive feedback. Accept more than one opinion.
- Seek advice. Dude, there’s plenty of bad advice out there. But it’s so much better to receive too much information and sort through – rather than pretend to know what you’re doing on your own.
- Make adjustments. You’re not on trial. Take the opportunity to change and flourish. Humble yourself before you’re humiliated.
- CHANGE. You have to be willing to change.
Which brings us to Resiliency…
When we talk about “Resiliency” with a capital R, it all centers around struggle and stress. Ya know, the things that most produce change. Outsider Resiliency is all about coming out of the other side better and stronger than before. All the “ERs” are change. All the “mores” are change. The unexamined life isn’t worth living. But a resilient life is an adaptable life. Rhythm makes a better dancer.