Wanna know how to get a six pack? I got you. We’re in 2020 and I’m happy to help in all the ways.
Sure, I don’t have a six pack. Nor have I ever. But just like every other dad, I’m totally qualified to give advice on topics I don’t have any experience in. Frankly, if I had a six pack, everything would look off. I’m not meant to be lean enough for a six pack. I’d look like one of those caricature drawings with a giant head and little body or a bobble head. It’d be like putting a Rottweiler head on the body of a Greyhound.
But hey, I have a six pack in life. Does that count?
I’ve got 4 tips on how to get a six pack, plus a recap of this week’s Friday Outside the Box workout.
Want an example of what I’m bringing to the table? I understand. Let’s get to the first tip, shall we?
How to Get a Six Pack Tip #1: Don’t Poison Yourself
You are shaped by your habits. Both your emotional/mental shape, but also your literal shape. If you eat like a monster, you’re going to be built like Sully.
So, try small victories to start. Say no to donuts and yes to half of a donut. There’s a lot of Binge/Purge going on in the world and it’s about as sustainable as a process-food-only diet. If you want to party like a rockstar, just know you’re more than likely going to end up looking like Keith Richardson and dying like… pretty much all the other ones.
Let’s start with the workout, shall we?
— then —
4 rounds of:
12 Bench Dips
15 Alternating Dumbbell Lunges | 25 lbs
— then —
75 Mountain Climbers
I got a Whoop band today. I didn’t wear it for this workout, but I’ll be reporting on the progress at the end of all my Death to Dadbod’s in the future. It’s going to be so fun to realize how jacked up my sleep cycle and recovery are.
I did my bench dips using my row machine. Due to my short T-Rex arms, it was possible. You may not have this possibility.
3… 2… 1… GO!
The 75 V-Up buy-in sucks something awful. All ab workouts are difficult when you have the opposite of a six pack. No, I’m not saying I have a keg. That’s too easy. My midsection is like a bowling ball. It’s round, hard, and knocks things over.
The first 25 reps weren’t bad. 26-50 hurt like pain.
The final 25 reps took me over 90 seconds. Mainly because I complained about it the whole time. Which brings us to our next tip.
How to get a Six Pack Tip #2: Your Attitude Matters
Goals fail for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it’s just needing more support while you’re having a crusty attitude. You’ve got to be able to overcome, and it’s really freaking hard to overcome consistently if you are pouting at every obstacle.
When it’s hard, find pleasure in the difficulty.
My wife and I are going to do 10,000 Burpees in 2020. Why? Because Burpees make me a pouty-baby poopy pants. So let’s join forces and make it work. I promise I’ll be finding joy in the mundane. And maybe I’ll have a two pack at the end of it.
I have short arms. Thus, the dips should be easy. Fortunately, I DO NOT have rings or a place to do real dips. Because those are freaking hard. I’d rather eat fun dip, honestly.
These dips are great, though. I’m using the backend of my row machine. In my first 7 reps, my wife makes a joke about how I’m finally getting good use out of the rower. She thinks she’s funny, sipping on her wine and being all cute.
My fake laugh hurts my real tired tummy.
Alternating lunges are a fireable offense. I don’t know why I struggle with these, but my legs are smoked in the first 10 reps. From my butt to my hips, I can feel the strain of #gainz.
How to Get a Six Pack Tip #3: Put in the work
There are a lot of good workouts out there. If you’re looking to get shredded, I suggest starting with the Brute Manual based around it. If you’re at stage -100, then don’t expect to eat the elephant in one bite.
I’ve found a great rhtyhm and now I’m dominating the dips. I’m bouncing around like a drunken rodeo clown.
Remember the classic song, “Dip” by Freak Nasty? Goodness, old school rap music really told a story, ya know? Nowadays, hip hop is all about sex and drugs. But no, not Mr. Freak Nasty. He was a poet with a message for the people. Like a miniature Buddha, covered in nasty.
Anyways, the lunges don’t feel as bad. I’m just focused on getting from rep to rep. Counting out loud, as if to keep myself honest. It’s an easy movement to purposely miscount. I’m struggling like a broken rodeo clown.
Sorry, can’t talk right now. I have that song in my head and my life is ruined.
Shoulders are getting realllll wobbly on these last few reps. I can feel my triceps bulging out of my shirt. I might not have a six pack, but daggone it, I’m going to have triceps.
Lunges, where to start? I’m sure there’s a reason why I hate them this much, but I don’t know it. I don’t know anything right now. Here’s what I can tell you: we put #AKARoy’s dirty diapers in a “smell-proof” bin. Every few days, we have to clean out the bin. The longer you go without cleaning it out, the more rancid the smell. Which brings us to the final tip.
How to get a Six Pack Tip #4: Start Now.
Don’t wait around for this. Just start. Do something right now. It ain’t just sit-ups, either. There’s a long list of ways to develop a strong, lean core. And nothing on there says starting next week.
75 Mountain Climbers
Head up. Focused on finishing strong. I’d like to say it’s been a good workout, but I find more delight in my own suffering. CS Lewis says the gates of hell are locked from the inside, I think I finally understand that. I’m my biggest enemy. The small voice in my head that complains and cries out at every rep is about as addicting as Freak Nasty’s epic.
And I’m done.
You’re done. I’m done. We’re done.