Death to Dadbod: A Real Fast Workout

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

What a time to be alive.

It feels like just yesterday that I was worried about a teething baby and a flooded bathroom. Now, we got real concerns going on. COVID-19 is exposing some real weak points for some of us, myself especially. My brain is running in every direction, so much so that even a fast workout seems like an impossible commitment. I’m so worried about my kids safety/school work, my work going in the tank, and my house not having a functional bathroom… so much as thinking about working out feels like a work out.

And then, Wednesday morning, Utah had a freaking earthquake!!!  My wife and I were in bed, out of bed, waking the kids, loading the car, and in the driveway in less than 5 minutes. Hearts pounding, teeth unbrushed, fight or flight prepared and engaged. I felt like I was going to vomit for the rest of the day. My wife couldn’t sleep last night.

Insult added to injury.

Here we are, a few days into Social Distancing 2020 and life seems slow. It’s crazy how busy we were. I can’t believe we did so much everyday, and now we’re not doing 90%of it. Then again, I can’t believe how much house work there is to do! How do I never leave the house and yet I’m soooo busy? Yesterday, while I was simulataneously working from home and homeschooling my children… I felt myself balding.

Anyways.

Joanie and I have made the commitment to never missing 2 days of exercise in a row. So, at worst, we’re working out every other day. Outside the Box programming makes that a little easier, since it’s only 30 minutes of workouts. But still, time is almost as precious of a resource as toilet paper. Making the commitment to follow the “Two Day Rule” is a good place to start. Here’s my man Patrick H. Barber, Esquire talking about Two Day Rule.

Today’s workout looked nasty enough. It’s higher reps, but it seems to be a perfect fast workout for my day. 4 Rounds of anything is short, as long as there isn’t running/rowing, of course. Or it’s a hero workout. Or it’s Fran and you can’t do more than one pull-up at a time.

The twins wanted to do the workout, too. They’re 11 and top-notch dancers. Like, these little girls might not make it to Broadway or So You Think You Can Dance… but they’re going to Choreograph for people who will.

But for today, they just wanna workout with mawmaw and pawpaw.

The Workout

32 Dumbbell Sumo-Deadlift High Pull

24 Knee Tucks

16 Dumbbell Hang Power Snatches

4 Rounds for Time

Note

Each dumbbell movement is single armed. 16 SDHP (Sumo Deadlift High Pull) with the right arm, 16 with the left. 8 and 8 for the hang power snatches. I only have 25 lb dumbbells, so I’m feeling grateful.

Another Note

Joanie is going to use our other 25 lb DB. Bella is using a 12 lb. and Emma is using a cute pink 5 pounder.

3… 2… 1… Go!

Round 1

First round of SDHP and I’m feeling good. The weight is light enough for me to do this unbroken, and I’m making a point to touch the ground with each rep. I’m sore from this week’s workouts.

Sidebar: Outside the Box is offering free workouts on our Instagram page. Just check us out @Outsidethebox.fit, we’re sharing them on our stories each morning.

If I have a weakpoint, it’s my core. I’ve been asked in the last week if I was pregnant. By a 10 year old. Who assumed the only way my stomach could protrude in such a way was if I was with child. I think he was being funny, but oof. So much for Death to Dadbod. More like Death to Dadpride.

I have plenty of weak points, but my core is especially disappointing. By the time I’m at rep 16 of Knee Tucks, my stomach is already starting to cramp.

Which is awful, because then I become a headcase.

Hello, hi. I’m a headcase at Round 1.

Hang Cleans are my money makers. I’m able to Muscle Clean each rep. This is the perks of lighter weight. Someone stronger and more willing would adjust the rep scheme up a little. Just to up the ol’ ante. Not me, though. I’m trying to make this a fast workout.

Round 2

Emma is right with me as we start round 2. It’s a blast. Bell and Joanie aren’t too far behind. The twins have much less length to travel for SDHPs and Snatches. Emma and I are rep-for-rep on the SDHPs.

Emma is flying on the Knee Tucks too. I’m jealous. I needed to pause at rep 12, and again at rep 18. I’m hurting.

She’s probably at rep 10 by the time I get to Snatches. This girl took it to heart when I said it needed to be a fast workout.

And then… she took a break.

I caught her by the time we finished the round.

Round 3

Again, we’re rep for rep on the High-pulls. Joanie and Bella are collecting our dust. I’m much stronger than this tiny child, but she’s springy. I didn’t know she had it in her. Maybe I should push her over.

Just to humble her.

Dang, though. We got to the knee tucks and she’s smoking me. Homegirl is tucking and moving like a champ. I’m laying on my back, panting, like a chump. She turns back and looks at me… “Come on, daddy.”

I have never hit her. Never even been tempted.

I want someone else to strike her right now.

She’s finished with knee tucks by the time I get to rep 7.

We’re not the same.

By the time I start my Hang Snatches, she’s already moved on to SDHPs. I feel honestly tempted to tell her to go up in weight. But I couldn’t speak to my lovely daughter without screaming at her. Or giving her a death stare. I wanted this to be a fast workout for me… not her.

Round 4

She’s finishing as I’m halfway through the SDHPs. Like, finishing the whole darn workout. If I would have known someone was going to smoke me this bad… I would have invited her uncle Adrian over to obliterate me instead.

It’s really hard to chase a rabbit when the rabbit is now fanning her sister off and encouraging her mom. She doesn’t look at me, though. I’m shooting eye-bullets at her.

Knee Tucks are soooooooooooo hard. How does someone get good at abs? It’s all natural, huh? Just a God-given talent and I’m never going to have it.

Finally, I finish the snatches while Emma is clapping for me to go go go!

Time: 10:02.
Emma Time: 7:45
Joanie Time: 11:21
Bella Time: 11:25

Stay safe out there, fam.

And come be a part of the Outsiders.

 

 

 

 

Danial Hooper Editor
Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.