Death to Dadbod: Weight Loss Program

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

So many people are looking for a weight loss program.

Like, 60,000 people every

day are using the Google to find their next big “slim down” plan.

 

I’m not going to bash any weight loss program, I don’t have the mental fortitude to be an expert dietitian. Honestly, I don’t have the mental fortitude to turn down a free cookie.

(If it’s chocolate chip, of course. Any other cookie is an inferior cookie and should be thrown away. Oatmeal cookies are liars. Sugar cookies are boring. Gourmet cookies are the equivalent to dude’s wearing popped collars and Axe body spray)

 

Outside the Box is not a weight loss program. At least, not in the standard conventions of what most are searching for. For a lot of people, they want to lose weight because they don’t like the way they look.

They don’t like the way they look because it’s a reflection of their habits and the way they feel.

 

If you read my article in the Morning Chalk Up, you’ll know I totes relate to those emotions. Been there, felt that (sometimes I’m still there, specifically after 2 bowls of Korean BBQ and a side view of my stomach).

Still, I’ve lost a lot of weight with Outside the Box.

How much weight?

Enough where my feet don’t hurt when I walk anymore. I went through about 6 months of barely being able to go grocery shopping because my feet hurt so bad. Now, I can run long enough to be tired.

 

How much weight?

Enough where I’m not crying in the parking lot of my job. Seriously. Stress accumulates at such a breakneck pace when you’re physically stagnant. My attitude towards my job has improved because my body/mind are feeling world’s better after 3 months of Outside the Box. So have my other daily habits, including what I eat. ‘Cause ya know – stress eating is a real struggle.

 

How much weight?

Enough where I feel comfortable dancing on camera.

 

I’m just saying, there’s more to a weight loss program than what’s on your scale. My scale says a lower number, my body composition has reflected that – but dang the benefits of movement and activity a few days every week for the last 3 months has made my soul glow.

 

So yeah, Outside the Box is the program for me. It’s the chocolate chip cookie of fitness. If you’re in a position where you’re looking for a weight loss program, I say start with small wins. 30 minutes of fitness, a few days per week, with the totes awesome Outsiders cheering you on along the way. Movement creates momentum.

 

How about today’s workout?

The Workout

Part 1:

3 rounds of:

max rep Dumbbell Hip Thrusts | 25 lbs |

Rest 2 mins

max rep Dumbbell Bent Over Rows | 25 lbs |

Rest 2 mins

Run, 200 meters

Rest 2 mins

 

Part 2:

Run 200 meters x 3

Rest as needed.

 

Note

Running is my specialty. I love it so much.

I’ll be doing this workout at my work’s weight room. Which means my runs are on the treadmill. RIP, yo.

 

3… 2… 1… Go!

Hip Thrusters feel like an HR violation. I’m pretty sure if a coworker walks into the company weight room right now, things are going to get weird.

I get 15 reps done on the first set.

sidebar: I tried to find a GIF similar to the Hip Thruster movement… it was a mistake to do that on my work computer.

Instead, here’s what I look like while waiting for the next round:

 

2 minute break.

 

Dumbbell Bent Over Row

My belly hangs low and sways less than it did the last time we had D-BORs in a workout. How about that for a weight loss program?!

25 reps, I squeezed at the top.

Is it squeezed? Squoze? Squazed?

 

2 minutes

 

Run, run run some more. I’m the fastest man alive. Anytime I run sprints on a treadmill, I feel like I’m doing it wrong. Like, I know I’m not as fast as I used to be – but a 1:10 200 meter sprint feels wrong.

Still, 1:08 on the first.

 

2 minutes

 

Hip Thrusters remind me of 1980s. Olivia Newton-John is playing in my head as I thrust into the air. Someone find me a unitard and generic headband!

 

Sidebar: My exposure to fitness started when I was but a wee-lad. Like two or three. My mom would do Cher’s step aerobics.

Cher.

Guys, my mom did Cher’s Step Aerobics.

And she wore weighted vests on her ankles. Penny Diane is a national treasure.

 

2 minutes

26 reps on the Dumbbell Bent Over Row. My upper love handles feel the burn.

2 minutes

200 meter run in 1:02. It’s hard to start from zero on a treadmill because it takes time for the speed to ramp up. Stupid saftey precautions.

2 minutes

19 Hip Thrusters. Was I not supposed to squeeze my buttcheeks really tight at the top? Because my cheeks feel like two sides of a vice grip.

2 minutes.

These rests come in handy. By the time 2 minutes rolls around, I’m actually excited to get to the next movement.

31 Dumbbell Bent Over Rows. I started to feel really spicy on about rep 20, but using lighter dumbbells allowed me to heave the weights to my chest. Not that I’m saying my reps were bad. It was a controlled heave… a dry heave, if you will.

2 minutes.

I’m going to turn up the speed on this one. Building as fast as possible, I get myself to 8.5  on the speed chart. I’ve been running on treadmills since the 7th grade (when I had to cut weight in order to play pee wee football) – but I’ve never once known what those speed numbers mean. 6.0 feels like I’m moving fast, yet it’s a 10 minute mile. Do treadmills use the metric system? Am I missing something?

 

Workout 1 is done.
Workout 2 is ready.

 

I’m sweating like I’m in the middle of a weight loss program that involves the sauna and anxiety.

My runs: 1:00, 00:56, 00:47. I kept upping the anti on my speeds, but there’s something slow about running in place.

 

Tune in next week for another Death to Dadbod.

And hey, follow me on Instagram! @Instadanial_

Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.