Death to Dadbod: Third Time’s No Charm

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod, No Filter Fitness

I Googled, “Origin of third time’s a charm.”

I needed to find the name of my enemy.

Has this ever been true? Has anyone in the history of history ever ever everrrrrr found good fortune on the third attempt? I searched that too. Google’s answer, “Nah, bro.”

This workout is fun. So fun that I did it three times in the last two weeks.

Apparently, Pistols are my new favorite stimulus. I’m like Yosemite Sam pow-powing in the air like I just don’t care.

Except, ya know, I can’t really do Pistols. Instead, I do this weird one legged/crouched over/heavy sighing/holding onto dear life wormy squat that looks like I’m a pirate trying to crap in the woods.

Sidebar, I searched for a GIF of that… not good results.

 

A few tips from Danial:

If you’re in a rush, and don’t glaze over the details for this workout, you end up doing it wrong. Check.

If you write a blog about the workout, you have to do the workout correctly. Check.

If you do the workout correctly, or incorrectly, you can really wreck yourself. Check.

If you check yourself, you may wreck yourself. Sadface emoji, check.

 

Anyways, I did this workout three times. There was no charm. Only charred shoulders. Harmed chest muscles. And legs that felt similar to King’s Landing.

 

The Workout

As many reps as possible in 20 mins of:

1x Single Arm Dumbbell Hang Power Snatch + Power Snatch + Hang Squat Snatch + Squat Snatch, pick load

1 round of: 6 Pistols + 8 Push-ups

2x Single Arm Dumbbell Hang Power Snatch + Power Snatch + Hang Squat Snatch + Squat Snatch, pick load

2 rounds of: 6 Pistols + 8 Push-ups

3x Single Arm Dumbbell Hang Power Snatch + Power Snatch + Hang Squat Snatch + Squat Snatch, pick load

3 rounds of: 6 Pistols + 8 Push-ups

 

Continue adding 1 Dumbbell Snatch Complex rep and 1 round of Pistols + Push-ups each round until time expires.

 

My Scaling

None. I’m using 25 lb Dumbbells.

My Pistols ain’t nothing to write home about. I’m gently sitting on a bench.

 

Note

Here’s how you’re supposed to do the workout.

1 Complex (right arm) + 6 Pistols + 8 Pushups

2 Complexes (left arm, right arm) + 6 Pistols + 8 Pushups + 6 Pistols + 6 Pushups

3 Complexes (left arm, right arm, left arm) + 6 Pistols + 8 Pushups +  6 Pistols + 8 Pushups + 6 Pistols + 8 Pushups

 

3… 2… 1… Go!

 

Round 1

Ohh boy. 4 movements in one ain’t no fun. I don’t mind the hang snatch or power snatch… but those two squat snatches are really going to Targaryen my legs. (Ahem, for those who don’t GoT, that means burn). My left shoulder is going to struggle with those squats… but this round is only one complex.

 

In my three iterations of this workout, I performed Pistols in three separate ways. Finally, I realized that sitting down into a bench is better than holding onto something to balance with for dear life. I used the wall for my first workout. It didn’t go well.

I held onto a workout machine on the second set. It would have gone better (more on this later).

 

Push-ups are the movement where gravity hates me most.

 

Round 2

When my daughter was 5, she suddenly started speaking like a drunken hillbilly. Have you seen Waterboy? Remember Farmer Fran? Pretty much exactly what she sounded like. “Yera Meanboy!” “Waterya doing overrr theya?”

My personal favorite, anytime she was physically uncomfortable: “It hurts like pain.”

(My face every time she talks like that)

That’s what she sounded like.

I say that because a Snatch Complex while using my left arm makes my shoulder hurt like pain. It’s like my brain is attached to my shoulder and each rep lowers my IQ.

My right arm has no problems.

 

6 Pistols. Yuck.

8 Push-ups. It’s a low enough number where I’m able to do each set unbroken. That’s what you call good programming, ladies and gents. Taz Barber might be the nicest human being in the world – but homegirl is a savage programmer.

6 MORE Pistols. This is my second set. I do three on 1 leg, then do 3 on the other. My off-heel lightly touches the ground.

8 Push-ups. So, when I did this workout the second time (AKA, Number 2). I held onto a workout machine during Pistols and powered through the Push-ups. However, instead of doing two rounds of 6 and 8. I just increased each movement by one.

As in, set one: 1 Snatch Complex (2 total, one on each arm). 6 Pistols. 8 Push-ups.

2 Snatch Complexes (4 total, 2 on each arm). 7 Pistols. 9 Push-ups.

Entirely different stimulus. Not particularly good, either. Especially for someone who’s shoulder hurts like pain during each Squat Snatch.

 

Round 3

I have about 14 minutes left. Left Arm Snatch Complex goes okay. This one feels smooth. My hands are sweating, which softens my skin as I grasp the dumbbells and the rough grippy area feels painful. I’m in agony. Hurting like pain. Why did I do this workout 3 times?

6 Pistols. 8 Push-ups. 6 Pistols. 8 Push-ups. 6 Pisstolemysouls. 8 Pushhhaaappps. Again, Taz Barber.

 

Round 4

10 Minutes Left. There’s tightness in my lower back. There’s a fire in the hole. There’s a monkey in the wrench. There’s a fly in the ointment. 4 Complexes down. On a bright note, my left shoulder doesn’t hurt like pain anymore. It’s numb.

6 Pistols. 8 Push-ups. 6 Pistols. 8 Push-ups. 6 Pisssssstols. 8 Pussssssh-ups. 6 Pastas. 8 Pschnapps. Sometimes, the only way to accurately describe how I’m feeling is to write out weird noises. If you don’t understand, that means you probably aren’t doing these types of workouts. I had someone reach out to me last week to tell me that they’ve never felt that way during a workout. My response, I’m sorry to hear that.

 

Round 5

Right arm Snatch Complex. Hang Snatch. Power Snatch. Hang Squat Snatch. Squat Snatch. I don’t know if I’m mentioned this enough, but I’ve done this workout three times. This is the first time I actually go through each complex without screwing it up. The last two workouts I would be in such a rush to get to the Squat Snatch, so I ended up mixing the order around nearly ever set. Not good.

Time is running out. I can’t really rush Pistols. Honestly, I can’t really do them. My leg is shaking like a 14 year old Chihuahua on Caffeine pills. Same with my heart. I get 6 in, decide not to take the time to look at my clock. Plow through the Push-ups. And another 2 rounds.

It’s not until I get to my final round of Push-ups where the timer goes off.

 

I’m not complaining. This was a good workout. It was fun, busy, and not overwhelming. I feel less terrible about myself than I have in years, quite frankly. Not because I did a workout three times over the last 10 days, but because I did ANY workout in the last 10 days.

5 rounds. Oodles of Pistols. Even more Push-ups.

Still, I hope I don’t have to do this workout again.

Because I know one thing: No one says, “Fourth Times a Charm.”

 

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Check back next week for another Death to Dadbod!

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Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.