A fast workout

Death to Dadbod: Six Sweaty Minutes

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

I need a fast workout. The week snuck (sneaked?) up on me. Time flies when you have 4 kids, three cats, and a 60-minute commute to work. 

Part of me is still struggling to get out of bed Monday morning. Yet, here I am, getting ready to workout at 10:00pm. It’s the only time I could workout, and there ain’t no rules against a late night WOD, right? 

Sidebar: Judging from the picture above, part of our spouting fell off. Add that to the list of things to do, amIright?

They say “suns out, guns out,” but I’m living that “suns set, make sweat.”

Catchy? Good enough for a t-shirt? 

a fast workout

I’ll keep working on it.

Joanie (my wife, aka Rib Rib) is going to cheer me on. Baby is sleeping. AJ is staying at his grandmas. The twins are upstairs watching “Life Hacks” on YouTube… ya know, kids stuff.

This is the second time I did this week’s benchmark workout. My first experience was with my cousin, Trevor in Vegas. It’s only a six minute workout, but my last 2 minutes were distracted by a typhoon and baby tears and shaky-tongue cries. The baby, not Trev.

It’s hard to keep count of reps when your tiny human is having a mental breakdown… while you’re also fighting off your own breakdown.

So yeah, doing it again. Nighttime WOD! Can’t be distracted by a baby if the baby is sleeping. Trevor ain’t here, but I’m pretty sure he has sworn off exercising with me ever again.

The Workout: “Six Sweaty Minutes”

12 Dumbbell Jump Overs

6 Sit-ups

3 Single Arm Dumbbell Squat Snatches, 25 lbs

As many rounds as possible, 6 minutes.

Note

The elevation in SLC is different than Vegas. I wonder if this is going to slow me down. My first experience in this workout notched 9 rounds, 12 Jump Overs and 6 Sit-ups. Then again, my counting might not have been accurate. Oh, the issues of having #akaRoy being a miniature version of the Hulk.

Another Note

The benchmark weight is 40 lbs, but I don’t have those dumbbells. I make the most of what I have. This is a fast workout, more metabolic than strength, so the lower weight should just mean I fly.

3… 2… 1… Go!

Round 1

Jump Overs: I’m doing the “Boing-Boing” method of Jump Overs. You can do lateral if you want, but I’m jumping forward and then bouncing backwards with each rep. It’s like having a pogo stick.

Sit-Ups: Six reps is manageable. If it were anymore, this wouldn’t be a fast workout. I’m swinging myself up like I just had a bad dream. 

Single Arm Dumbbell Squat Snatches: That’s a mouthful, ain’t it? Let’s call them Sadds from here forward. That’s how the Squat part makes me feel. And the Snatch part. The Single Arm part, too. 

All of it.

Round 2

My cats are clawing at the door. All three mini-lions are trying to break through the door to save their papa. They see the look of terror in my face as I’m getting these jumps done. Ghostcat would absolutely kill a Dumbbell for me.

Round 3

Jump Overs: Boing-Boing. Two. Boing-Boing. Four. Boing-Boing. Six. Boing-Boing. Eight. Boing-Boing. Ten. Boing-Boing. Twelve.

Sit-Ups: This is supposed to be a fast workout, right? My abs are already starting to cramp and I’m feeling insecure. Do I have the weakest core in the world or is six minutes too long? 

Sadds: It’s all in the depth. These wouldn’t be as bad if it weren’t for the Squat part. Especially since I have lighter weight. But man, getting down there with the dumbbell hanging in the air (like I just don’t care) is pretty squeezy.

Round 4

Jump Overs: One thing I’ve learned in CrossFit: Train your weaknesses, but trust your strengths. I can jump, so I like this workout. If the workout involved eating an entire box of Oreo cookies, then I would be in heaven. 

Sit-Ups: I don’t like this part, though.

Sadds: Or this part.

Timer: Halfway There!
Round 5

Jump Overs: Oh, hello there beautiful. Joanie is cracking up, because apparently the cats are following me back and forth with each jump. They’re confused. Me too, buoys. 

Sit-Ups: Here’s the thing about Sit-ups. They’re not fun. 

Sadds: Left arm is getting a little wobbly on this one. I’m feeling the burn in everything. These are making my tummy hurt. The Sit-ups are working. I can’t wait to see if I have a six pack after this. (Spoiler Alert: Ain’t happening)

Round 6

Jump Overs: My calves were sore after doing this workout the first time. It’s going to be even worse this time, my boing-boing is faster. If you’re looking for a fast workout, this is a great movement to start with. At least, if your boing-boing is boingy. 

Sit-Ups: Wanna hear something gross? Of course you do. As I’m on my back before starting my 6th rep here, sweat dripped down into my mouth. I spit it out, creating a mist of salty saliva. 

Then, I did my last rep and entered into my own mouth-fog. 

I’m now glistening, thanks. 

Sadds: As I wipe my own eyes, I’m powering through these reps with steady speed and patience. Remember; slow is smooth, smooth is fast. My buttcheeks are screaming, but pain isn’t nearly as distracting as baby cries. 

Round 7

I don’t have much time left. That’s the thing about this being such a fast workout. You can’t even make it through two songs in six minutes. 

I can’t believe I spit in my own face.

Round 8

Jump Overs: My goodness, I’m drenched. Sweat is flying in every direction. I think my cats believe the flying water is for them. Ghost is now trying to climb up the window. He’s making this weird clicking noise. 

Sit-Ups: Dear Joanie, I need this:

A fast workout

Sadds: I have 30 seconds left! How? Where did the time go? This is not what I signed up for. Sure, I might have signed up for a fast workout and sure, time’s gon’ time and sure, I’m freaking tired. But dude, it’s almost over.

Round 9

Jump Overs: I got like fifteen seconds. I’m getting these bad boys done. 

Sit-Ups: But not these. Not this time anyway. 

Time!

Score: 8 rounds, 12 Dumbbell Jump Overs.

 

 

 

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Tune in next week for another Death to Dadbod.

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Word Wizard/Lead Brewmaster/First Contact Seeker
I’m the family lab rat, if your family is a group of mad scientists. I mask my weaknesses by being funny and telling stories. Basically, I write posts for the blog, type up some emails, help where asked, and cry when Taz makes us run. My novels are available on Amazon. Something’s got to pay my daughters’ dance fees. I have four kids, three cats, and one wife. I love all of them dearly.