CrossFit Girls

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Girls x3

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

The CrossFit girls are all nasty. All due respect to you ladies out there, but y’all can be lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets – but you ain’t Fran, Diane, or any of the other crazy broads. If you haven’t read my Fran Recap, now’s a good time. And if you’re not going to read the recap, that’s okay. Just know that I’m not singling out a specific girl… these are the names of workouts. Today, …

Death to Dadbod: How to Get a Six Pack

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Wanna know how to get a six pack? I got you. We’re in 2020 and I’m happy to help in all the ways. Sure, I don’t have a six pack. Nor have I ever. But just like every other dad, I’m totally qualified to give advice on topics I don’t have any experience in. Frankly, if I had a six pack, everything would look off. I’m not meant to be lean enough for a six pack. I’d look like one …

Death to Dadbod: The Friday the 13th Workout

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

It’s Friday the 13th and I did a workout. I have regrets. Before this workout, I was convinced this would be a fun little burner. It felt like a nice active recovery with a little extra sweat. This week has been really exhausting but I was looking forward to this because I assumed this would be an enjoyable sweat sesh. I was wrong. I was out on the boat. Floating in my ignorance, while something was lurking under the surface. …

Death to Dadbod: Need a 10 minute Dumbbell Workout?

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Before I get to this week’s killer 10 minute dumbbell workout, I got something to say. Ahem. I can’t believe the year is ending. 2019 will forever be known as the year of the blur. Having a baby will do that to ya, though. One minute I was sleeping through the nights, enjoying the peace and quiet. The next I’m stumbling downstairs to get a baba, stepping on a plastic elephant who moos, and munching on the cutest baby the …

Death to Dadbod: Meet Barney

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Barney ain’t like other kettlebells. We should start there. He’s 44 lbs of purple power and unrelenting gravity. We’ve been workout partners for a few months now, thanks to Kettlebell Kings, and he’s quickly proven his superiority. Every workout we’ve done together features me heaped over in a puddle of sweat and humility. Barney, on the other hand, stares back and asks for more. Why do you care? Barney isn’t just a kettlebell. He’s a symbol. Do you remember the …

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.5 Recap

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Here we are. Standing together at the finish line. Five weeks of excellent fitness has come, and only a few days until it’s all over. If you’re vying for the chance to make it to the CrossFit Games, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. If you’re like me, and you’re just trying to finish the CrossFit open with your body intact… I’m there for ya. This year’s CrossFit Open has been my favorite. Outside the Box has …

Death to Dadbod: Open Recap 20.4

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Happy Halloween, Outsider. We’re at the 4th installment of the CrossFit Open 2020, and I have to say… this is my favorite year so far. I like the variance, I’m enjoying the torture, and I’m happy to report that I haven’t puked/grew a tail yet. Small victories are still victories. I finished trick or treating with the kids, and now I’m on a sugar high after eating 17 Reese’s Cups. Why not do the workout tonight???? My wife, our youngest, …

Death to Dadbod: Open Recap 20.3

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

I started CrossFit because my brother started CrossFit. In this middle of this workout, I truly questioned if I would be happier if he just joined a cult instead. Have you ever made yourself so dizzy that your pancreas begins to throb? Where is your pancreas, anyway? Is it by your kidneys? It’s been a while since a workout made my brain feel funny. It might be the fake that I spent half the CrossFit Open 20.3 upside down, but …

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.2 (Minimalist)

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Ahem. The CrossFit Open is (in my mind) the pinnacle of CrossFit. Not because we get to watch Mat Faser and Tina Toomey dominate workouts. And no, it ain’t about the dude in your gym with the moose-knuckled spandex and wicked-good Fran time. The CrossFit Open is about you. It’s about me. We’re together, testing our fitness. The focus is on pushing ourselves and growing, not in competing with athletes chiseled out of iron and essential oils. We are CrossFit. …

CrossFit Open 20.1

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.1 Recap

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

First taste of success. The CrossFit Open holds a special place in my heart. I wrote my first CrossFit Open recap 7 years ago. If you want to take a blast to the past… here, here, and here are some good places to start. These posts were the first moments I felt like I could write comedy mixed with CrossFit. And here we are today! Not-so-fun fact: I’ve never completed all the workouts in a CrossFit open. I usually make …