Death to Dadbod: Meet Barney

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Barney ain’t like other kettlebells. We should start there. He’s 44 lbs of purple power and unrelenting gravity. We’ve been workout partners for a few months now, thanks to Kettlebell Kings, and he’s quickly proven his superiority. Every workout we’ve done together features me heaped over in a puddle of sweat and humility. Barney, on the other hand, stares back and asks for more. Why do you care? Barney isn’t just a kettlebell. He’s a symbol. Do you remember the …

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.5 Recap

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Here we are. Standing together at the finish line. Five weeks of excellent fitness has come, and only a few days until it’s all over. If you’re vying for the chance to make it to the CrossFit Games, I wish you nothing but the best of luck. If you’re like me, and you’re just trying to finish the CrossFit open with your body intact… I’m there for ya. This year’s CrossFit Open has been my favorite. Outside the Box has …

Death to Dadbod: Open Recap 20.4

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Happy Halloween, Outsider. We’re at the 4th installment of the CrossFit Open 2020, and I have to say… this is my favorite year so far. I like the variance, I’m enjoying the torture, and I’m happy to report that I haven’t puked/grew a tail yet. Small victories are still victories. I finished trick or treating with the kids, and now I’m on a sugar high after eating 17 Reese’s Cups. Why not do the workout tonight???? My wife, our youngest, …

Death to Dadbod: Open Recap 20.3

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

I started CrossFit because my brother started CrossFit. In this middle of this workout, I truly questioned if I would be happier if he just joined a cult instead. Have you ever made yourself so dizzy that your pancreas begins to throb? Where is your pancreas, anyway? Is it by your kidneys? It’s been a while since a workout made my brain feel funny. It might be the fake that I spent half the CrossFit Open 20.3 upside down, but …

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.2 (Minimalist)

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Ahem. The CrossFit Open is (in my mind) the pinnacle of CrossFit. Not because we get to watch Mat Faser and Tina Toomey dominate workouts. And no, it ain’t about the dude in your gym with the moose-knuckled spandex and wicked-good Fran time. The CrossFit Open is about you. It’s about me. We’re together, testing our fitness. The focus is on pushing ourselves and growing, not in competing with athletes chiseled out of iron and essential oils. We are CrossFit. …

CrossFit Open 20.1

Death to Dadbod: CrossFit Open 20.1 Recap

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

First taste of success. The CrossFit Open holds a special place in my heart. I wrote my first CrossFit Open recap 7 years ago. If you want to take a blast to the past… here, here, and here are some good places to start. These posts were the first moments I felt like I could write comedy mixed with CrossFit. And here we are today! Not-so-fun fact: I’ve never completed all the workouts in a CrossFit open. I usually make …

How To Get Stronger

Death to Dadbod: How to Get Stronger

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

“If you want to know how to get stronger, you came to the right place… I think.” I participated in the Iron Games a few weeks ago. Was it the greatest experience of my CrossFit career? Yes, yes it was. Keep in mind, the second greatest experience of my fitness career is Adrian Conway’s Nano hand-me-downs. I talked about it twice already. Here and here. If you haven’t read those, take a few extra minutes and make it happen. I …

Running workout

Death to Dadbod: Your New Favorite Running Workout

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

What’s the most important thing for a good running workout? Is it good shoes? What about a good attitude? Maybe it’s making sure the weather is permitting? Is it proper moisturization of the crotch? Or… maybe… it’s simply having the time to do the freakin’ workout.  Dude, I don’t know how people workout for 60-90 minutes every day. My schedule is so booked right now, I can barely manage 3 Outside the Box workouts each week. And those things are …

baby shark workout

Death to Dadbod: The Baby Shark Workout

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

Full disclosure: I’m tired. This week has become a long month and I’m feeling like a stain on the underoos of life. Somehow, I made time to workout last night, the first time this week, and I’m pretty sure sleep deprivation is driving me slowly insane. I mean, why else would I be singing the Baby Shark song during a workout? Last night, our baby cried for roughly 36 hours. He’s teething, and he has his father’s tolerance of pain. …

Death to Dadbod: My CrossFit Injury

Danial Hooper Death to Dadbod

I broke my leg* at the Iron Games. It was during a Clean and Jerk Ladder, I was in the midst of putting 245 lbs over my head when a massive pop took place inside my knee. Sadly, I failed on the rep. I sustained my first real CrossFit injury* in my life.  *Okay, it’s not broken. However, if my wife asks, please tell her I totally tore my ACL. Or severed my kneecap. You can be as creative as …